so..... erm...

So i have not wrote any thing here these few months. Just writing here for fun. I guess? It's trimester break now so I have lots free time. I think I should introduce myself a bit before writing my stories here. I am a 2nd year architecture student. Life is hard for someone who is studying architecture. It's really hard I have to say. I don't have to confidence, I'm not creative, partly I'm a bit of a lazy bum. I just don't know what the lecturer want sometimes. Can creative be train out? Isn't creative should strike comes form inspirational stuff and should take some time to have the quality. Time is just not enough every time. It's so hard it suffocates me sometimes but i just cannot give up. I wish i could but i can't. If i don't finish my degree what will I do for my future? I'll feel guilty to myself and to my family the rest of my life. I'll feel so embarrassed that i didn't archive anything when all my friends have gone overseas study or graduate. Life sucks. I tried my best but it just doesn't work so well for me. I don't know. sigh...  

Lazy me :/

Tomorrow I will be sitting for my last paper for this trimester. After that I'm going to meet with my bud to buy some stuff. We hope to get what we need. Anyway, I haven't been studying hard for my last paper. I feel terrible and guilty but I'm still like that. sigh... I can say that I'm the worst and laziest human on earth ever. No motivation. No determination. I do have goal in my life but still... I feel I'm too good being indifferent. Way too good at it. Always hoping to gain something by not doing anything it's the worst ever thing to do.  I should do my best not to slack off and be a motivated person. OKAY! LET'S GO! To whoever is reading this out there... who are the same like me (hahaha) and want to change... let's do it together! 

Who Am I?

So.. I wanted to write about something that has been in my mind for few years now. I feel like I'm the insignificant main character blended into this sea of people in this planet called Earth. I think that other people feel the same way too but seriously I am the one. Even though I am the ONE, I am not special. I do not have super powers, I am not someone with high intelligence, or someone with talent or beauty. I am just simple, plain, ordinary human with average everything. Sometimes I do blame the one who created me for not created me with gifts like super talent, maybe cheat a little bit. You know?. But I understand that he's just being fair. There are talented and untalented people, fortunate and unfortunate people, and ordinary and extraordinary people. All kinds of people out there facing different kinds of crisis. 

I always, ALWAYS wonder 'why not me?' when ever I saw someone archives something, popularity, wealth, wisdom, love... all those sort of things that everybody wants. I feel envy. I want to born into a wealthy, loving family and owns beauty. I want to live in a ridiculously comfortable life with no worries and be super smart.  

Sometimes I wonder whether the this I see is reality or not. Since I am the main character I can't be living like this? Is this real? Yup! It's real. Sometimes i wonder too if I was meant to do something greater and it's just matter of time. Maybe I'll be saving the world and my powers will be unleashed. Bet everybody thinks like that too. Hey, don't steal my idea! Just kidding. Sigh.. anyway, life is hard. Just have to follow the flow and do the best. Wish I am not a lazy person but yes, I am. I am suppose to study for my exam but these few days I have been very unproductive. I've been watching anime and breaking bad the whole day without revision. I'm so dead meat. : /